Festival Review: If I Had Legs I’d Kick You (dir. Mary Bronstein)
Plot in a nutshell
Linda (Rose Byrne) is a working mom who is juggling her work as a therapist while caring for her daughter who has a severe eating disorder, with no one to help. When the floor from the flat above caves in on her bedroom, creating a gigantic hole in her ceiling and her life, Linda is forced to deal with that as well, bringing her to the brink.
The struggle of motherhood as a canvas for pitch dark comedy bordering on body horror is a choice. Mary Bronstein directs a visceral psychodrama that needs to be experienced on the big screen with big sound, if only so that the audience can see and feel what it means for an actor to embody a role so completely that her entire soul gets exposed. Rose Byrne is the canvas, and she carries that struggle as if it’s sucked out of her bone marrow and injected into every fiber of her being. She is Mother, one that has gone to Hell and came back with notes.
Bronstein makes a bold creative choice that becomes evident maybe 10 mins into the film, but it’s so ingenuous that ruining the surprise would be tantamount to spoiling. All I’ll say is, offscreen presence has rarely been this effective. If I Had Legs I’d Kick You lives up to its deliciously tantalizing title by peaking with its highest highs as the most subversive genre film of the decade so far. The hole in Linda’s apartment, and everything that becomes associated to it, would make the maestro of body horror David Cronenberg proud, and a particular transition from a hamster to a lasagna should be nominated for Best Transition of the Century. I don’t recall the list time a cut made an audience erupt in so much in grossed out laughter.
“Being a mother is the toughest job you’ll ever love,” or so the saying goes. In this story, that love is stretched to its limits, where it starts to feel like anything but. Rose Byrne bears it all. She’s in just about every scene, and Bronstein gets up and close, excavating her expressions to uncover all the signs of fatigue, pain, impatience, frustration and every other feeling that every parent at their worst moments will instantly recognize. Believe it or not, thanks to Byrne’s comedic and dramatic prowess, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is filled with a ton of laugh-out-loud hilarious moments right up until the final few scenes.
While Byrne carries the entire thing, she has plenty of essential support from her fellow cast members who play roles that serve to illuminate new paths in Linda’s journey. Conan O’Brien is an odd choice as Linda’s nonplussed therapist at first, but because his presence alone is hilarious, the off-kilter balance works. Watch out for his fantastic monologue about a mouse experiment. A$AP Rocky as flirty motel neighbor James, Danielle Macdonald as Linda’s unhinged patient, and Bronstein herself in the role of the horrible Dr. Spring are all memorable and help to elevate the story to its volatile heights.
While the ending doesn’t do justice to everything that the film was building up to, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is still an unforgettable showcase of on-screen and off-screen talent. Rose Byrne gives the best performance of the year, male or female, and while the whole thing is uneasy and tense like Darren Aronofsky’s best movies about obsessive individuals in crisis (The Wrestler, Black Swan, Mother!), it’s essential viewing for any parent, especially struggling moms.